DUBAI: A city breathed a collective sigh of relief today after Ian Peterson finally boarded a plane to England vowing never to return. Peterson, 45, a resident of Dubai for the past 15 years, was renowned throughout the emirate for his continuous complaining about life in the city of dreams, declaring on just day two, back in January 1998, that he had had enough and wanted to go home.
Since then, Peterson has enjoyed luxurious lifestyle living across a series of high-end beach-side villas and dined weekly at 7-star brunches, while continuing his campaign of blanket misery to anyone within earshot.
“I hate it here, it’s so shallow and superficial,” was apparently one of his popular comments, often said while lounging on a deckchair chomping on a cigar as his Filipino housemaid massaged his toes. “There’s no culture here and I just can’t get on with beef bacon,” was another.
“He seemed alright at first,” said a former friend. “But then the complaining started and you just couldn’t shut him up. Whether it was the price of beer at the Irish Village, the lack of English spoken by taxi drivers or the fact he had to stay up late to watch the football, life never seemed good enough for Ian.”
His Pakistani driver told The Pan-Arabia Enquirer that he repeatedly advised the disconsolate Brit that he could easily return to his home in Dorking, Surrey. “I told him that he could go back to his bedsit and resume his career as a unemployed waste disposal expert, but he insisted on staying in Dubai as CEO of Ostentatious Furnishings LLC, while living on a six-bedroom mansion in Jumeirah. Poor man, it really must have been unbearable for him,” said Abdul Smith. “Finally, after 15 years of this misery, he must have just snapped.”
A former colleague of Peterson’s at MegaDumpz in Dorking, Surrey said he was shocked at the news. “We’re really surprised,” said Barry McMahon. “All he ever did here was moan and then insisted on sending us postcards of his supposedly incredible life in Dubai. Poor guy.”