DUBAI, UAE: A three-year-old child conceived to the sound of Shakira’s world unity song, ‘Waka Waka (This Time For Africa), is currently screaming its f**king lungs out in a Dubai supermarket, it was reported today.
Three-year-old Jason Newbury, conceived when his parents were overcome by World Cup fever, is currently shouting his tiny balls off while demanding a packet of Extra Chocolate Coco Pops, according to local media reports.
“We were overcome by Shakira sexily calling on everyone to dance together in Africa,” said mother Audrey Newbury, while trying to placate her son with a packet of jelly beans that he threw on the floor.
“Maybe if we get him some Hola Hoops, he might stop crying,” said father, Simon, while wistfully remembering getting down to business with his wife on the living room of their Arabian Ranches villa.
“Shakira was on at half time during the England-Slovenia game. She was singing seductively in Swahili and we just got carried away on the sofa,” said Simon, while frantically trying to lift his son’s hands off a shopping trolley as he continued a 20-minute chocolate-related blackmail campaign.
The impasse was eventually resolved with a compromise packet of “fun size” Bounty Bars. Shakira, whom the Newburys claim “has a lot to answer for”, is currently top of the charts with the 2014 World Cup anthem and is “unavailable for comment”.