Crowds rejoice as another f***ing posey bar opens in Dubai

Club Smug: packed with idiots last night.

DUBAI: There were scenes of jubilation across Dubai yesterday as yet another f***ing nightspot aimed at conceited idiots opened with a glittering launch party.

Club Smug, which bills itself as ‘Dubai’s Most VIP’, opened last night on the 80th floor of the Murooj Millennium Media Marina Hotel and Spa, with thousands of the city’s most pretentious queuing to ostentatiously flash their cash.

As DJ Habibi 2000 span the latest chart hits from his laptop, the dimly lit bar throbbed with thousands of expensively clad morons supping hideously overpriced cocktails, munching on wagyu beef and foie gras canapés and dancing around handbags costing roughly the same as a family sedan.

“I love it here,” screamed one punter, as another 20-minute firework display went off to celebrate the fact he’d just bought another gigantic bottle of vodka for more money than his waiter’s annual salary.

“We’re absolutely overjoyed with the response,” said British owner Peregrine Farqua-Tosschops, who claimed Club Smug was the culmination of months of work.

“We put our best business minds together and decided that what Dubai really needed was another f***ing nightspot for tedious posers who think gratuitously flaunting their wealth is a sign of sophistication.”

Unfortunately, Club Smug will have to work hard to keep itself in the spotlight of Dubai’s rich and fabulous. Next week sees the opening of Tw@s, which claims to be the ‘World’s Only VVVVVIP nightlife experience’ and is said to enforce a strict ‘sunglasses on’ rule.

18 Responses to Crowds rejoice as another f***ing posey bar opens in Dubai

  1. Anonymous April 1, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    Nice work on first of April

    Reply
  2. Mo April 2, 2012 at 1:41 am

    Haha dude, I think this piece does a little bit more than just trying to make an April fools joke. it actually sums up dubai nightlife perfectly :-)

    Reply
  3. Monsieur Flange April 2, 2012 at 4:47 am

    Dear Anonymous,

    Not entirely convinced it is because it is April 1st…..think I got taken to bar like that the other week…..

    Reply
  4. Joe April 2, 2012 at 7:33 am

    haha Movida.

    Reply
  5. steve April 2, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Love it. VVVVVVVVVVVVery true. I Burj you to keep it up #following

    Reply
  6. Amr April 3, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    Movida!

    Reply
  7. Mustafanonymous April 5, 2012 at 8:03 am

    What is number it for to call for gess lis or table?

    Reply
  8. Said Hamideh April 5, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    it’s not funny if it’s 100% true

    Reply
  9. Japinder Kaur April 5, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    This article is so Ridic !! its such a work of frustration! jus coz some1s bag is the price of a sedan n they hop around having expensive drinks .. doesnt make them sophisticated for sure .. BUT I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT MAKES NY1 TAKE A DIG AT THEM TO SAY THEY R NOT SOPHISTICATED ? surely they r better off than writing frustrated articles :| anywhere in the world nightclubs have conceited idiots n this club or Dubai doesnt make tht ny different!

    Reply
  10. Seriosuly April 25, 2012 at 11:24 am

    Japinder, no body is taking a dig, because the article is SATIRICAL. Meaning the person who scripted it is as frustrated as u – get it :)

    Reply
  11. Monsieur Flange April 25, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Some people in our region truly scare me with their perceptive powers of brain work…OR LACK THEREOF!!!!

    Reply
  12. Gregg May 14, 2012 at 10:49 am

    Sometimes the comments are funnier than the articles :-)

    Reply
  13. Mahibill May 18, 2012 at 11:18 am

    I went to this club on the opening night and I had a very good time. The prices are twice normal and you even have to pay extra for ice cubes in your drinks.
    The only thing that let it down for me, was there were only 8 different eau de colognes in the washroom and the water in the showers was tepid.

    Reply
  14. Anonymous June 22, 2013 at 9:29 am

    This post is perfect

    Reply
  15. C Dickins April 3, 2014 at 10:14 am

    This is a picture of a nightclub in london you idiots! so thats a fake photo as that photo is of a place called movida on arygle street W1 LONDON!!!!

    Reply
    • Len Augusto April 3, 2014 at 9:07 pm

      This article is a satire – i don’t know why people don’t understand that and calls people idiots! Lol

      Reply
  16. Ricky April 6, 2014 at 6:40 am

    I must say I’ve been a regular customer of club smug and I am not that happy with their service anymore. I’ve order an extra-magnum-10L-vodka-with-gold-flakes and the fireworks only lasted 20 min instead of the promised 30 min. Also the music in the club didn’t abruptly stop to be replaced with the superman theme while a group of 6 staff carried a chest in their shoulders with the bottle on top and 4 dancing midgets. This is the main problem when these clubs get confortable with their sucess. Cant wait to try the new VVVVVIP club

    Reply
    • Monsieur Flange April 6, 2014 at 9:07 am

      I agree Ricky. Not sure if you had a similar problem but on Friday night, I only had 7 people pouring my drink out of the Methuselah of Bollinger, instead of the usual 12. The crowd of usual hangers-on around me did seem somewhat upset that I wasn’t as important as I used to be and started looking around for other tossers to suck up to

      Reply

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