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The Pan-Arabia Enquirer

Environmentalist stares at photo of young self as he approves of Dubai Rainforest


Environmentalist stares at photo of young self as he approves of Dubai Rainforest

Man reflects on idealistic former self after signing off project

Environmental Officer David Hasslett stared at a photo of his young, idealistic self as he signed off on a Dubai “luxury” rainforest last week.

“This project reaches all international standards of environmental excellence and sustainability,” wrote 42-year-old Hasslett, as he looked in morbid silence at a framed picture of his bearded 20-year-old self.

The giant rainforest, which will require 20,000 gallons of desalinated water each week, and will house imported animals from Africa, is to be built near the club house at the new Donald Trump Golf Course in the gated Damac Properties’ Akoya Oxygen development.

As Hasslett signed off on his environmental impact report, which described the project as “excellence in sustainability solutions”, he picked up the college yearbook photo, reading the engraved quote beneath: “I’ll do all I can to help save this beautiful planet” – David Hasslett, Class of ’94”

“Please hold my calls for the rest of the day,” the 45,000 dirhams-a-month environmental officer told his secretary. “I’m going to need some time alone. Some time…alone.”

“Trump Golf Course patrons will be able to take tours of the jungle in between rounds on the state-of-the-art 18-hole course,” Hasslett noted in his report, softly running his finger over the photo of his smiling, hopeful, young self, taken 22 years ago at an environmental conference in England.

“After a thrilling encounter with jungle animals, golfers can relax in the Rainforest Spa, which will offer hydrothermal treatments among rock pools and steam baths,” wrote Hasslett in the final paragraph of his report, before walking to the window and staring out at the desert.

“I used to…believe,” he said quietly. “I used to…” his voice trailing off into eerie silence.

Hasslett later attended the launch of the new project, in which British expats chased a cheetah around in a convertible sports car to the blaring sound of Stevie Wonder’s ‘Jungle Fever’.

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  1. Radek

    February 28, 2015 at 10:54 am

    For a moment I thought it’s just a a satirical article, but just came back from moe and they indeed plan tropical jungle…what’s next ?!Hunting for polar bears in Ski Dubai?

  2. Mike

    March 2, 2015 at 2:40 pm

    You’ve just given them a good idea Radek. A penguin and polar bear shooting range, environmentally approved of course

  3. radek

    March 3, 2015 at 9:55 am

    Of course it will be environmentally justified- one needs to control the population of wild animals in Dubai.

  4. MrB

    March 4, 2015 at 4:26 pm

    The apex of the UAE expatriate experience: when you realize just how much you’ve sold out. Took me about two years.

  5. Ebb

    March 5, 2015 at 10:33 pm

    just brilliant

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