Gulf to run out of summer heat metaphors by 2016
ABU DHABI, UAE: Gulf states are expected to run out of metaphors describing how hot it is in the summer as early as 2016, an expert panel warned yesterday.
“’It’s like a hair drier in your face’ and ‘It’s like living in a sauna’ have reached exhaustion point and we haven’t mined any new metaphors in nearly three years,” cautioned Dr. Heinrich Sweinsbagger of The International Climatology Metaphor Institute at an emergency meeting in Abu Dhabi yesterday.
“’It’s like…it’s like living in a furnace,’ and ‘It’s…it’s like an oven,’ reached exhaustion point two years ago and there are no fresh supplies,” warned Prof. Khalid Al Suweini as experts held a five-hour brainstorming session.
“We are narrowing in on ‘It’s like shoving your face in front of an exhaust pipe’, and there’s a potential sponsorship deal on the horizon that could introduce ‘It’s like living in a George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine,’ but this is only at subcommittee stage,” warned Dr. Al Saweini, as dozens of expats gathered outside, demanding new descriptions to use in phone calls to their families back home.
“If they don’t come up with something soon, how am I going to describe this excruciating heat in a 20 minute description to my family in the UK?” asked sales executive Michelle Anderson. “My family needs to hear the same phrase ad nauseam every time I call home.”
Long the favourite of expats calling home to their families in July and August, “It’s like living in a sauna” could be replaced by “It’s like living under a heat lamp” as early as next year, according to sources.
“We recommend ‘It’s like living on the sun,’ until the subcommittee publishes its recommendations,” said Dr. Sweinsbagger. “I suggested ‘It’s… it’s like living on Mars,’ but obviously some members of the committee weren’t up for that,” he said.