Heightened regional tensions as countries wade into Kristen Stewart/Robert Pattinson debate
US troops stationed across the region were put on high alert last night after several Middle East nations unexpectedly waded into the Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson debate.
The situation erupted late yesterday morning when Egyptian President Mohamed Morsi – believed by many to have held an impartial stance on the recent scandal that saw the break up of the Hollywood couple – announced that he was supporting Stewart.
“Ok, so she made a mistake,” he told visibly shocked members of the Egyptian parliament in Cairo, referring to the revelation by Us Weekly magazine in July that 22-year-old Stewart had cheated on Pattinson with her Snow White and the Huntsman director. “But she gave a heartfelt apology that I truly believe she meant. RPattz should just accept that everyone slips up now and again and take her back.”
With Twitter and newswires abuzz at the announcement within seconds, Egypt’s neighbours were quick to respond.
Speaking to the Knesset in an emergency meeting just over one hour later, Israeli president Benjamin Netanyahu – who is known by many to side with 26-year-old Pattinson – described Morsi’s statement as “setting a dangerous precedent”, and urged others to condemn his support.
“She broke a bond of trust, and that’s that,” he said. “KStew knew what she was doing right from the start, and if Morsi thinks that a simple apology is enough to win back his heart then perhaps his diplomatic skills aren’t credible enough for the world stage.”
Netanyahu also claimed that Morsi’s speech had been “deliberately made to aggravate regional relations with Israel”.
Despite not having previously commented on the issue, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad rushed to counteract his Israeli opposite, saying Pattinson and Stewart “made a lovely couple”, during his lunchtime parliamentary question time in Tehran.
In what many Middle East experts have since claimed was a clear reference to Netanyahu, the Iranian president went on to suggest the two should “attempt to rekindle their romance despite hostility from those who might wish them to remain unhappy”.
By 4pm, almost three-quarters of Arab states had announced whom they were backing in the conflict. As several leading commentators expected, Saudi put its weight behind Stewart, as did Bahrain, while Tunisia, the Libya National Transitional Council and Algeria joined its north African partners Egypt in supporting Pattinson. In Qatar, government officials said they would not be declaring support for either side, but that they “hoped for a reconciliation that would benefit both parties” and announced the establishment of a new international thinktank in Doha to look into the issue.
Sensing a sudden heightened tension across the region, along with satellite evidence that hinted of “major” troop movement along borders and reports of crowds amassing in Tahrir Square and other major public areas, the Pentagon last night put its forces stationed across the Middle East on standby. Two nuclear-class aircraft carriers – the USS Bill Cosby and USS Carlton Banks – are also currently sailing towards the Straight of Hormuz should Iran use the Stewart/Pattinson debate as an excuse to block oil supplies along the strategic passage of water.
The UN Security Council is due to meet tomorrow to discuss the situation.
Meanwhile, several online news sources are reporting that Stewart and Pattinson – both currently promoting the final film in Twilight saga – have got back together, while almost an equal amount of others are claiming that their relationship is terminated with permanent affect. Neither was available for comment.