Israel promises “blockbuster surprises” for new assassination season

TEL AVIV: Israel launched its 2014 assassination season last night, promising fans ‘a whole heap of new characters and big surprises’.

“Uh oh, spoiler alert, I see a poison-tipped pen and an exploding toaster on the horizon,” said deputy defence minister, Moshe Ben Zeev, to a packed auditorium in Tel Aviv.

“Did someone say ‘radio-controlled robot dolphins’? Hello!” added Amnon Bashevis, head of Israeli spying agency, Mossad.

Bashevis said that following the “very noir” theme involving Yasser Arafat’s plutonium revelation in the last series, there would be “a bit more levity” this time.

“The Arafat nuclear sandwich finished off the plotline from the 2004 season, so we’re glad to bring that story to a final conclusion and move on,” he said.

There was also an acknowledgement of fan’s requests for lighter moments.

“People absolutely loved the 2010 Dubai storyline. I mean, two operatives dressed as tourists in tennis attire strolling around a hotel lobby! It was so 70s spy movie retro!” said Ben Zeev, adding that there would be “brim loads of new gadget” in the new season.

“The pen that fired a poison dart from 1997… that was a Hall of Famer. And we still get calls about the self-detonating pay phone from 2001,” he said.

Israeli prime minister Benyamin Netanyahu admitted that, while he hadn’t been involved first hand in the decision making, he had read the final scripts and was delighted with what lay ahead.

“I’ve got three words for the 2014 season,” he told an excited audience. “Exploding. Ninja. Cats. It’s going to be the best ever.”

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2 Responses to Israel promises “blockbuster surprises” for new assassination season

  1. Naz March 31, 2014 at 6:50 am

    Comedy genius!!!

  2. mike north March 31, 2014 at 11:28 am

    love this, so close to the truth


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