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The Pan-Arabia Enquirer

Journalists worldwide “really struggling” with Ariel Sharon obituary

politics

Journalists worldwide “really struggling” with Ariel Sharon obituary

Trying to find respectful tone for former Israel PM proving difficult, claim reporters

With former Israeli prime minister Ariel Sharon reportedly close to death, journalists the world over have revealed that they are finding his upcoming obituary among the most difficult articles they’ve ever had to write.

“When you put together these kind of things, you’re generally expected to offer a small modicum of respect. Because it’s an obituary, right, and the person is going to have died,” said Terence F. Wallbanger, chief reporter at the South Canberra Gazette in Australia.

“But with this guy… someone who was nicknamed ‘The Bulldozer’ for f***’s sake… to say it’s been tough is to put it mildly. What with his time as defence minister when he orchestrated the invasion of Lebanon and… jeez, how am I supposed to write something even remotely courteous about the man responsible for Sabra and Shatila? Then there’s when he was PM and the construction of West Bank settlements and that wall. It’s an absolute nightmare… my piece is currently reading more like a slash horror story about a psychopathic killer than a quiet, sombre look at one man’s life.”

Vanessa Moses, chief sub at Brazil’s Sao Paulo Advertiser echoed this view.

“Even if you go back before Sharon got into politics, all the evidence suggests he was nothing short of a murderous shit. I mean, he headed up the Unit 101 special forces team who were behind one of the worst massacres of the century,” she exclaimed.

“We’re desperately trying to find anything at all half decent to say about him. At the moment we’ve got that ‘he cooked a good omelette’ and ‘had a nice garden’, but we’re not even sure if these are true.”

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14 Comments

14 Comments

  1. Andreas

    January 5, 2014 at 9:18 am

    Thank You — The best by articles and insight about the mid east. Great!

  2. Pita

    January 5, 2014 at 3:06 pm

    maybe reference about last 7 years of his life, how he “did not molest” anybody for that period. I’d leave out the garden part. I mean, the psycho left scorched ground everywhere he walked, it’s unrealistic to say he was able to grow anything. I’m not buying that shit.

  3. Peter Barrabas

    January 5, 2014 at 9:02 pm

    Another good thing he did: longest “siesta” ever. 8 years

  4. Robin Messing

    January 5, 2014 at 9:13 pm

    Here’s something nice you can say about him. He’s not as bad as Hitler.

    • Robin Gething

      January 12, 2014 at 11:19 am

      he did have the decency to kill himself…

  5. Marivel Guzman

    January 5, 2014 at 10:57 pm

    I think we should include in his obituary his legacy to the world; “Sharon will be remembered by Israelis and Palestinians alike, and we should add, that he united the world against Israel, US, UK and the body of the UN,” Not bad for an obituary.

  6. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 9:56 pm

    He would go in the history as one of biggest merderer in the modern era , he was not far any different of what he did to the Palestinians to what the Nazis did to the Jews in the 2nd W.W .
    Anyone would’ve thought he or the leadership in Israel would think twice B4 they can be associated with same doing, but they do not seem to see further than their nose.

    Nail

  7. Anonymous

    January 7, 2014 at 9:02 am

    Odd how the settler pullout is absent in this narrative…the writing would be more effective if it didn’t ignore the inconvenient bits.

    • panarabiaenquirer

      January 7, 2014 at 1:21 pm

      Ok, sorry. “And pulling out troops and settlers from Gaza, locking the doors and thus reducing the area to be little more than an excessively cramped and annually-bombed prison.” Better?

  8. wazim al dulbuggir

    January 7, 2014 at 9:42 am

    “Settler pullout”? Hey! that’s my patented contraception move!!!

  9. Gahri al Inniker

    January 7, 2014 at 12:01 pm

    What about his contribution to hairstyling? Once he goes, there’ll only be Bobby Charlton keeping this sexy style in the public eye. Assuming the butcher dies before Charlton (who I thought was looking worryingly ill at the last MUFC home game).

  10. Rebecca Dent

    January 9, 2014 at 2:39 pm

    Hmmm, let’s see…something positive about that fat assed old war criminal? Sorry, can’t think of anything.

  11. Malcolm Culshaw

    January 11, 2014 at 7:24 pm

    If you were in his care, (as a citizen of Israel) you would sleep easy in your bed, He did his job better than most – without the expectation of virgins in ‘heaven’. Israel needs more ‘Sharons’ to survive surrounded by this sea of dark age mindsets.

  12. S. Suchindranath Aiyer

    January 13, 2014 at 4:40 am

    Heh! Heh! He lacked two things. One, an Indian Khangress Party Propaganda Mechanism. Two, a gullible uneducated population to buy the propaganda! The other side had both!!!

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