Man lost in Dubai Mall for 13 months describes ordeal

DUBAI: A mysterious castaway who claims to have been “shopwrecked” inside the Dubai Mall for 13 months is now safely outside the shopping centre, according to reports.

The man, who calls himself Benison Zento and says he is an Italian tourist, turned up at a remote customer service desk two days ago in a disheveled state and in a heavily damaged shopping trolley, claiming that he had been living off fast food he had bought from the numerous food courts as he searched for an exit.

Zento, who claims to be 29, is now in a local hospital recovering from his ordeal, said the Italian ambassador to the UAE, Sergio Giorgini.

“He’s in a much better shape than one would expect after such a horrifying experience,” Giorgini told reporters.

Zento is believed to have entered the mall for what was to be a one-day expedition with a fellow Italian last January, but was blown off course by crowds for a shopping festival and eventually became waylaid by a visit the Dubai Aquarium.

According to Zento, he lost his partner three months into their drift because she refused to eat any more Baskin Robbins.

“For days, I felt like dying. I couldn’t take it anymore. Another pop-up Swatch stand very nearly finished me off,” he is quoted as saying in an interview with the Dubai Mall’s in-house magazine.

But authorities are now trying to determine the legitimacy of Zento’s story, with several experts claiming that it would not have been possible for someone to have survived for so long.

“Even when going for the supposedly salad options or leaving the sliced gherkin in the burger, we’ve never known anyone to have lasted longer than seven months eating purely fast food,” said Rutger Pondicherry of the Gulf Health Bureau. “Either this man’s cholesterol levels are through the roof or we have a real life miracle on our hands.”

But Zento, who is due to be reunited with his family, still managed to show a trace of humour despite his nightmare.

“Who knows, perhaps I’ll come back again,” he joked from his hospital bed. “I hear the next summer surprises shopping festival will be the best one yet.”

173 Responses to Man lost in Dubai Mall for 13 months describes ordeal

  1. Bear Grills February 19, 2014 at 9:29 am

    Absolutely genius!!!

    Reply
    • Steamus February 20, 2014 at 5:34 am

      Hey Bear. Big fan here. I just wanted to ask if you’d consider doing an episode in Dubai Mall. It would very useful for future visitors. I’m sure the Italian would have definitely benefited from that.

      Reply
  2. Noor February 19, 2014 at 10:09 am

    I feel his pain. I’ve never spent 13 months in Dubai Mall. But many times it’s felt like it.

    Reply
  3. Nehal February 19, 2014 at 10:17 am

    I dnt get it! How can u get lost in a mall?

    Reply
    • Jennifer Waller February 19, 2014 at 10:57 am

      It’s a joke. I hope

      Reply
      • Anonymous February 20, 2014 at 9:26 pm

        No malls in the eastern parts of the world, especially in fast growing economies have mall complexes beyond imagination

        Reply
  4. Atif S February 19, 2014 at 10:50 am

    He could have asked someone for the exit? I don’t get it! Does anyone understand how this is even possible. Where did he sleep? How come security never found him in 13 months

    Reply
    • Ali February 19, 2014 at 12:27 pm

      This is clearly a ploy by competitors of Dubai Mall to paint Dubai mall in a bad light. Dubai mall is the best shopping mall in the world and all exits are clearly marked with dozens of information centers and security guards to help anyone out. This lies should be reported to the authorities.

      Reply
      • Bear Grills February 19, 2014 at 1:25 pm

        You really are a bit slow aren’t you…!

        Reply
      • Dickie February 19, 2014 at 2:17 pm

        Best, and stupidest, response so far.

        Reply
      • Ash February 19, 2014 at 4:51 pm

        Its probably the opposite. An advertivement. Just think how many people now will wanna go just to see how big it is and if its even possible to get lost on there.

        Reply
      • Jordan B February 19, 2014 at 5:04 pm

        Hahahaha you should be reported to the authorities! You’re too gullible to be in society.

        Reply
      • AshTips February 20, 2014 at 8:44 am

        Dude you should be The one and only attraction in Dubai mall i bet people come to see you more than the aquarium and the new fossil dinosaurs all you gotta do is to stand there and describe the problems of the universe for everyone to know and get enlightened. big up and respect to your brain. don’t consume any sugar that shatters your calm state of brain

        Reply
      • Grilled Bears February 20, 2014 at 9:22 am

        Went shopping at the supermarket after 3 hours looking for the car with heavy bags i could scratch my ankles without bending down, dumped the bags found an exit and jumped a taxi home . The only way to find the car next day was to follow the same route in, this story is believable

        Reply
    • Anonymous February 19, 2014 at 5:47 pm

      This is so dumb! Only fools will fall for this story!

      Reply
      • Anonymous February 26, 2014 at 12:27 pm

        bwahahahahahahAAAAAAA

        Reply
    • Mohammed Salman February 19, 2014 at 7:07 pm

      Honestly speaking this is nothing, it took be 23 days to get out of Galeries Lafayette and another 6 days to find a way out of the food court.

      Reply
      • Bilal February 20, 2014 at 4:46 am

        i have been there. yes it is huge but MONTHS and 23+6 DAYS to get out food court is just EXTREME. either the person is not normal or either he is trying to sue them or probably its politics because it is just NOT POSSIBLE. the security will find you and kick you out in that long. i agree you cant go through the whole thing in 1 day but getting stuck with so many people their to ask the way out is just NUTS.
        IN SHORT MONTHS DAYS EXTREME NOT POSSIBLE NUTS.

        Reply
        • AshTips February 20, 2014 at 8:40 am

          LOL dude you really are super slow aren’t you?

          Reply
        • Grilled Bears February 20, 2014 at 9:30 am

          Have you ever tried asking the information desk or security anything, always met with a silent look, i think this is the place for equal opportunities in the uae, they are all mute

          Reply
    • Anonymous February 21, 2014 at 3:48 am

      ***FACEPALM***

      Reply
  5. Spear The Mighty February 19, 2014 at 11:02 am

    Nehal – have you been to Dubai Mall? It takes you at least 6 months to walk from end to end. True story.

    Reply
  6. Anonymous February 19, 2014 at 11:05 am

    It’s does not make sense.. you can exit from all floors and anywhere in Dubai Mall.. there is something fishy in that story.

    Reply
    • Spear The Mighty February 19, 2014 at 11:51 am

      Maybe he made up the story to avoid being prosecuted for overstaying on his tourist visa.

      Reply
      • Philip February 19, 2014 at 9:46 pm

        Hahahahahahahaha!

        Reply
    • ayyaz mirza February 19, 2014 at 3:31 pm

      Don’t you people know that the pan arabian is supposed to be funny and cynical? It’s not real news. It’s entertainment. Doh!

      Reply
    • Seventy nine February 19, 2014 at 4:46 pm

      And you are a tube light

      Reply
    • Ahmad February 20, 2014 at 4:04 am

      What’s fishy is your brain. It’s a joke. Bless you

      Reply
  7. Al February 19, 2014 at 11:11 am

    Nehal now is not the time to criticise this gentleman. Let us offer our support and I hope we can all learn lessons from this. First – always tell someone when you are entering Dubai Mall and when you will be back, second – plan your journey properly and take supplies to ensure you do not get caught out paying 30aed for a small Starbucks biscuit from the counter. Finally if it is your first time in a UAE mall start small – I suggest Ibn Battuta for first timers, build up to the monsters slowly!!!!!

    Reply
    • Spear The Mighty February 19, 2014 at 11:46 am

      I never go to Dubai Mall without a GPS, compass and at least 5 liters of water. I also take someone with me who is more familiar with the terrain than I am.

      Reply
      • Save The People February 20, 2014 at 4:48 pm

        Now this is actually interesting what you say there. This is exactly what I used to tell my visitors when they try to come and see me in Al Quoz Industrial area. Bring some food and drink, make sure you have extra time. Because i will not try to fish you out of there. For all those who think they can survive Dubai Mall, this is nothing compared with Al Quoz Industrial area.

        Reply
  8. Manu Carro February 19, 2014 at 11:53 am

    It’s a social satire I’m sure, commenting on society’s obsession with shopping and fast food! Clever but a bit obvious and ham fisted!

    Reply
    • Isssac Hunt February 20, 2014 at 9:38 am

      HAM???? This is a good muslin country

      Reply
  9. Always Prepared February 19, 2014 at 11:54 am

    I suggest taking a camel with you into the mall; not only you can see over the crowds from the high-up riding position, but you can drink her milk to sustain yourself. Problem is they always head for water, so make sure you don’t keep circling back to the water fountain.

    Reply
  10. Samer February 19, 2014 at 11:56 am

    He did this so he won’t pay late visit visa fines

    Reply
  11. Karan February 19, 2014 at 12:00 pm

    This story is made up.. you can never get lost in Dubai Mall, agreed it is huge but the security in Dubai is of 5* standards, and how come none of the authorities noticed the man in CCTV for so many months… just a marketing strategy I feel..

    Reply
    • Steamus February 20, 2014 at 5:38 am

      Jesus Christ. Does no one look at the website they are on when they read these?

      Read the title on the left of the page. See what it says? It says, “The World’s Only 7-Star Satirical News Source”. Let me repeat “SATIRICAL NEWS”. One more time, “SATIRICAL”.

      Reply
  12. mohsin February 19, 2014 at 12:12 pm

    Wht about the Bengali who lost his car in parking for 3 years n was coming every day on taxi to find it. Atlast he stopped paying the bank for the mortgage and the car was traced through ATS.

    Reply
  13. Anonymous February 19, 2014 at 12:16 pm

    Rofl…people taking this seriously

    Reply
    • Sahib Kohli February 19, 2014 at 6:03 pm

      PPl here are so stupid and they dont get sarcasm !!! pathetic .. i wish to invite all these daft ppl home and have a comdey night !!

      Reply
  14. Anonymous February 19, 2014 at 12:26 pm

    this is the most LAME article I have ever heard! HILARIOUS.

    Reply
  15. Boogie February 19, 2014 at 12:48 pm

    I not shocked by him getting old in the mall what was the security doing in the night.

    Reply
  16. Samer February 19, 2014 at 12:50 pm

    Did anyone of you guys read the “ABOUT” page of this site? it’s just a fun site, sarcasm on everything big! how could anyone logically believe this story! and no, Emirates do not serve Shishas in thir business class A380!

    Reply
  17. Sanurita February 19, 2014 at 12:55 pm

    Utter RUBBISH

    Reply
  18. Winston February 19, 2014 at 12:59 pm

    13 months is nothing. It takes the local girls at least 2 years to shuffle through!

    Reply
    • sheikhajlo February 20, 2014 at 4:33 am

      thats because they are weighed down by the amount of Blackberrys in their possession

      Reply
  19. Alan Sunlotion February 19, 2014 at 1:05 pm

    I can seriously believe this claim from Mr Zento. Firstly he’s Italian. Secondly you can spend 3 months wandering the car park. Thirdly you can play on the ice rink for 2 months. Fourthly you can look at the cute penguins for 4 months. And Fifthly 4 months navigating each and every shop and eatery is very achievable. Seriously!

    Reply
  20. Anonymous February 19, 2014 at 1:10 pm

    Maybe the guy who stayed there for 13 months was def and blind therefore he couldn’t ask for an exit or couldn’t see any lololol

    Reply
  21. Millie February 19, 2014 at 1:15 pm

    OMG people! Please learn the meaning of satire! The comments are just as hilarious as the article!

    Reply
  22. Anish Bhat February 19, 2014 at 1:20 pm

    i wonder how that new wolf at wall street movie is like

    Reply
    • Grilled bears February 20, 2014 at 9:48 am

      Forget the wolf on wall street im the homosexual bear lost in this shopping center, i think im bi-polar help

      Reply
  23. S. Hopper February 19, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    Is this Italian related to the man who always stops you at the petrol station forecourts selling fine Italian suits after a big trade show? They really upset me when they do this as I never have any cash on me as I keep on missing out on a good deal.

    I watched a movie once where a man lived in an airport in America for a long time, so I am also upset for the man trapped in Dubai mall. I went there last night and spent 50 minutes trying to find the exit from the car park as I’m sure that they kept moving the exits – I also thought that it was a multi level car park but I did not realise that it only had one floor.

    The authorities should be made aware of this as how many other people are trapped that we don’t know about?

    Reply
    • Sheikh me gently February 26, 2014 at 7:24 am

      That airport was Moscow

      Reply
  24. Ken February 19, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    For all the doubters out there, stop blaming the poor victim. It is possible. Getting lost in Dubai mall is much better than getting lost in Dubai Mall’s parking lot. I spent 3 days trying to find an exit. The mall staff didn’t care about helping me. When I stopped to ask for directions all I heard was,
    “Sir, you want car wash?”
    “No, God dammit! I want to leave so I can see my children.”
    “Sir, 40 dirhams only. one hour. I do nice clean.”

    Reply
  25. Anonymous February 19, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    Nice campaign

    Reply
  26. Anonymous February 19, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    The peak of his ordeal surely must have been Ramadan! He must have starved for the whole month! And the cruel torture of constantly seeing those yellow t-shirts with the promise of help but always turning their back on his desperate situation!! That poor man. tsk

    Reply
  27. Anonymous February 19, 2014 at 1:48 pm

    xla,sxz

    Reply
  28. Anonymous February 19, 2014 at 2:06 pm

    Strange story I can’t believe it

    Reply
  29. Anonymous February 19, 2014 at 2:14 pm

    This is a satire site…..meaning this is not real

    Reply
  30. SAQ February 19, 2014 at 2:34 pm

    I’m still lost in Dubai Mall. Help…

    Reply
  31. liam rabone February 19, 2014 at 2:43 pm

    Honestly this is comedy gold. Comments are ridiculous haha

    Reply
  32. raza February 19, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    He is a pack of lies

    Reply
  33. Zeeb February 19, 2014 at 3:16 pm

    This is not just made up, it’s a parody of the story of a mexican fisherman who claims to have survived 13 months on the pacific ocean. It’s exactly the same story, starting with a friend who dies after three months etc etc, just put to a different location/context.
    This is a link to a German newspaper article about that fisherman:
    http://www.spiegel.de/panorama/mann-ueberlebt-mit-seinem-fischerboot-angeblich-13-monate-im-pazifik-a-950972.html

    Reply
  34. Abdelrahman M, Chehab February 19, 2014 at 3:33 pm

    SATIRE F*****G NEWS!

    Reply
  35. TopRobbo February 19, 2014 at 4:01 pm

    Apparently upon being found he said, “I’ve… seen shops you people wouldn’t believe… Friday brunch on fire off the Ibn Battutah Gate. I watched gold-plated Maserati’s glitter in the dark near the Ravi’s Butter Chicken. All those… moments… will be lost in the mall, like tears… in… Jones the Grocer. Time… to buy…”

    Reply
    • Chrystal Chipotle February 20, 2014 at 7:29 am

      I wonder if anyone else got the Blade Runner references here. Bravo TopRobbo, Bravo

      Reply
      • TopRobbo February 21, 2014 at 7:31 am

        Pleasure!

        Reply
  36. Baz February 19, 2014 at 4:07 pm

    I went there in 2010 and I feel part of me is still there :S I know how you feel my italian friend….hang in there!

    Reply
  37. raolalitha February 19, 2014 at 4:26 pm

    Dubai airport is Extremely unfriendly to foreigners, especially Indians, but this story was seriously funny. And how did he move himself around in a shopping trolley… :)

    Reply
    • pths February 19, 2014 at 6:13 pm

      This is maybe 13hrs not 13 months :)

      Reply
      • Danielle Falknor February 19, 2014 at 7:56 pm

        Haha or 13 mins… I heard that DSF can do that to you

        Reply
  38. Not buying it February 19, 2014 at 4:59 pm

    I don’t buy it.
    Plus, daily eating out with no income for 13 months?

    Don’t buy it.

    Reply
  39. TheHermit February 19, 2014 at 5:23 pm

    I actually found the comments funnier than the story.. PAE should consider hiring some of these guys …

    Reply
  40. Atef Persia February 19, 2014 at 5:57 pm

    100% fake lol

    Reply
    • Bearer of bad news February 20, 2014 at 9:20 am

      Nooooooooooooo!!!! really??!!! LULZ

      (no babies for you either)

      Reply
  41. host February 19, 2014 at 6:15 pm

    I am still at loss .. whether i should laugh at the story or the people commenting here lol

    Reply
  42. Anonymous February 19, 2014 at 6:21 pm

    lost my a$$!! all they need is the attention we r givin!!…

    Reply
  43. Anonymous February 19, 2014 at 6:26 pm

    Lost My A$$!!…All They Want The Attention We Are Givin!!

    Reply
  44. Mahatma Kutti February 19, 2014 at 6:35 pm

    Distress. That is what I felt when I was lost in Dubai Mall for 17 months and 5 days. With no one to contact, I was struggling to survive in such a large environment. I became malnourished after I was lost in the Gold Souq for 5 months and had very limited food and water supplies and survived on the food I found in the garbage. When I finally found my way out, authorities were present with police dogs and the latest equipment to track me down. They have been looking for me for over three month after my friend reported me as missing. I asked for my story not to be published but here I am in the comments section of this article sharing it to the world for the first time.

    Reply
  45. Nadeem Khan February 19, 2014 at 6:43 pm

    This is really stupid. It’s impossible. I agree the mall is like Hella huge but there are indicators and markers in the entire mall that direct you to the closest washroom or exit or information centre. And to top it all you can ask anybody the way out or ask anybody in a uniform or get inside any shop and ask the people who work there. This is really a stupid post. Or maybe the person is mentally challenged. Who knows.

    Reply
    • 1nzi February 20, 2014 at 12:07 am

      Yeah I think you’re mentally challenged for thinking this is real. It’s a satire site.

      Reply
    • Bearer of bad news February 20, 2014 at 9:10 am

      Please do not have any babies. I’m begging you.

      Reply
  46. Edward Jules February 19, 2014 at 6:54 pm

    Fake news for sure!!

    Reply
  47. Mohammed Salman February 19, 2014 at 7:10 pm

    Hi visibility jackets should be a must to enter the mall.
    Also Dubai Mall should have handcuffs at every entrance/exit, that way you will never lose your partner

    Reply
  48. Danielle Falknor February 19, 2014 at 7:52 pm

    Ummm… Thousands of Exit signs, numerous security guards, infinate number of security cameras (scary what it says for security) and not to mention the food court staff and thousands of customers that he could of asked for help or even could have followed out and he still was lost? If this is a joke, its a rediculous one, if its real, this guy had better be Mr Bean with a bottomless bank account!

    Reply
    • Willy doit February 20, 2014 at 10:06 am

      Was lost in there one night and thought like you, wait for the food court staff to leave and follow them to the exit. Found out the shop workers have their passports held by the boss and can only leave every 2 years for vacation

      Reply
    • Soleil February 20, 2014 at 3:39 pm

      I hope your parents are very proud of you. Please don’t procreate!

      Reply
      • Willy Doit February 22, 2014 at 9:58 am

        Already did your mums a friend

        Reply
  49. Anonymous February 19, 2014 at 8:17 pm

    Nobody seen the “finest satire” part?

    Reply
  50. Anonymous February 19, 2014 at 8:51 pm

    Omg, people are stupid! How come they don’t get satire!!!!!!

    Reply
  51. sal February 19, 2014 at 8:54 pm

    It takes 3 days only to park and get coffee from Costa! And then another 3 days trying to remember where u parked ur car! I

    Reply
  52. Camron February 19, 2014 at 9:17 pm

    The comments are funnier than the article. I’m not sure that’s a good thing!

    Reply
  53. CatMamrie February 19, 2014 at 9:54 pm

    Satire at it’s very best. How gullible are these people who believe this story

    Reply
  54. Robin February 19, 2014 at 10:08 pm

    MR ZENTO- PLEASE DO NOT REPRODUCE…..PLEASE!

    Reply
    • Leigh Rodgers February 20, 2014 at 4:18 am

      I can believe it. A few years ago a similar thing happened at Villagio Mall in Doha, where a guy drifted for five months on canal until he was rescued by a passerby. It can happen.

      Reply
  55. geekmomom February 20, 2014 at 12:51 am

    You all do see the word SATIRE in the heading, right?

    Reply
  56. Dolly February 20, 2014 at 4:16 am

    Hahahahahaha! I spent years in MOE without an attempt to find my way out coz I just LOVE it

    Reply
  57. faisalkhan February 20, 2014 at 4:28 am

    Clearly no one here knows what satire is…. lol its hilarious people will be discussing this across the country tonight.

    Reply
  58. Abu Ramy February 20, 2014 at 4:57 am

    nice marketing tool….Dubai Mall does not need to be advertised or need any marketing …the best for the best.

    Reply
  59. Krystaal Topps-Cruz February 20, 2014 at 5:24 am

    This poor mans ordeal is to be made into a Hollywood Blockbuster – Night at the Mall, plus the sequels, Night at the Mall 2, 3, 4. 5, 6. 7 etc etc

    Reply
  60. Anonymous February 20, 2014 at 5:25 am

    I have to assume that the hilarious comments are satire too … people surely can’t believe this is true ;-)

    Reply
  61. Juan Braincell February 20, 2014 at 6:09 am

    This site really does prove the theory that the middle east is a dumping ground for seriously stupid people!

    Reply
  62. Mofsound February 20, 2014 at 6:23 am

    Oh my God. When will people realize this is satire. Now hurry up and Google what satire means.

    Reply
  63. Anonymous February 20, 2014 at 6:38 am

    I haven’t gotten lost in the mall before, but that is because I have never made it past the elevators. My biggest problem is trying to figure out which level corresponds to which elevator door button.

    Reply
  64. Anonymous February 20, 2014 at 6:48 am

    I usually never comment on stories online… but this is the MOST RIDICULOUS thing I have read in years. How on earth can someone be lost in a mall for 13 months.. !!.. I mean, in this day and age where you have access to so many information tools, this is not possible. The security of the mall, the cameras… and so many more. Someone who is not local would have traveled from another country, got to the airport, took a plane ride and then reached Dubai.. How on earth can people believe such a story!!?? More importantly, there has to be angle. This speaks about responsible journalism!… Bizarre is an understatement. It is a Mall with public amenities, signs, customer care centers and exit signs and electronic signage.

    No offense to anyone, but please you are logical people, who know how to surf the internet and post comments, read, understand.. How can you read and support this !.. Think logic..

    Reply
    • Bearer of bad news February 20, 2014 at 9:09 am

      You are hopeless.

      Reply
    • really?! February 23, 2014 at 7:08 pm

      you should have kept quiet on this STORY too!!…

      Reply
  65. Chrystal Chipotle February 20, 2014 at 7:18 am

    Help me, I am somewhere near what is left of the gold souk and I can feel hope slowly slipping away, like jewellery shops from failing retail space. I only have 200kb of data left on my Du plan and I don’t think I will see home or my family again. I have survived by drinking from the fountain and eating discarded take away items left on the food court floor. Please, somebody, anybody……………….

    Reply
  66. mr NC February 20, 2014 at 7:39 am

    That’s on believable man how come about…….

    Reply
  67. Ivan February 20, 2014 at 8:18 am

    no need to comment on the truthfulness of the article, I’m just wondering how they did select an Italian as the stupid character of this unbelievable story. Can we Italians be considered the prototype of dumbness? not too sure!

    Reply
  68. VB February 20, 2014 at 8:48 am

    Such a fake story. The guy in question thinks the world is full of stupid people

    Reply
  69. phrank February 20, 2014 at 8:59 am

    dubai mall needs a concierge in different languages.

    Reply
  70. Zac February 20, 2014 at 9:11 am

    What???? He is that fucking dumb that he would not ask a shop attendant what is the nearest exit???? This is obviously a bullshit story!!! I can’t believe this is even a publicised story!

    Reply
  71. Ryan February 20, 2014 at 9:52 am

    He came all the way from Italy to UAE with all travel ‘complications’ and he did not know how to reach the mall’s exit??? what no-sense!

    Reply
  72. john February 20, 2014 at 10:17 am

    This is ridiculous, first of all how can a man get lost for such a long time without walking in one direction to find an exit, or the end of the mall, unless this mall was like the universe never ending, to me all these experts seem like fools, they are more worried about how he could not survive on the food he ate for so long, but the main inconsistency of this story is the fact that this man looking like a bum in a shopping mall was first of all not spotted by mall cops or by individuals seeking to help the poor chap, not to mention this blundering idiot did not even try to ask anyone for help or just walk till he got to the end of the mall, sorry if i have offended anyone, but this story is ridiculous. As Albert Einstein Said: “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.”

    Reply
    • Anonymous February 20, 2014 at 11:00 am

      JOHN YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. WE COMMENTED ALMOST THE SAME.

      Reply
    • dodo_hunter February 21, 2014 at 2:32 pm

      As Albert Einstein Said: “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.”

      John, and you fall exactly into the latter.

      Wisen up dodo! This is a Satirical Website.. Dohhhhhhhhhhhh

      Reply
  73. Grilled Bears February 20, 2014 at 10:30 am

    Im lost help me, im a transsexuals teddy walking around the mall, cant understand the signs, may be im bi-polar

    Reply
    • Chrystal Chipotle February 20, 2014 at 11:39 am

      Grilled, come and find me, I’m just by Nespresso. We can pool our last resources and try to find a way out of this glittery hell hole. And if all fails, I can just eat you, I love grilled bear with a side of coleslaw.

      Reply
      • Grilled Bears February 22, 2014 at 9:48 am

        All i want to know is since ive been here whos been sleeping in my bed

        Reply
      • Grilled bears February 22, 2014 at 10:41 am

        I have searched all the food courts here and can’t find any porridge, haven’t been for a poo in three days as there are no woods here, but found a plastic tree in the middle of a childs roundabout, but the attendant would not let me through the metal barrier unless i paid 15 dhs.

        Reply
  74. amir February 20, 2014 at 10:45 am

    i got stuck in Dubai Mall once. I started following this Italian guy, cuz i thought he knew where the exits were. after 13 months of following him, he turned around and asked my: Seniore, do you know where the exits are? days later i learned he was deported from the mall. we are still in touch. he is still in dubai and trying to find his way to the airport so he can go home. he went looking for the airport about 3 years ago.

    Reply
  75. JK February 20, 2014 at 10:51 am

    Its a bit strange this story. Even if you are lost in the Mall, simply read sings all over and go to customer service, or ask anyone “Taxi?” if you do not speak English. OMG . Why it took him 13months to go to customer service? isn’t it a bit too much this story. I don’t even find it funny neither sad. come on guys its 21st Century, not time for Fairy tales

    Reply
  76. Justin Mingeswob February 20, 2014 at 11:14 am

    Oh God, someone please send the sanity doctor to all the dickheads on this site that can’t understand satire. Please, please ban these idiots from PAE so the rest of us can jest and poke fun with likeminded people, not imbeciles who really think this is real. Thanks

    Reply
    • Stranger February 28, 2014 at 4:48 pm

      Errrrm why????? The responses are what really makes PAE so why feel the need to ban the people who provide the most entertainment?? Maybe you should get off the roundabout and let others enjoy the game?

      Reply
  77. Dick Fancy February 20, 2014 at 11:20 am

    Blood Hell, how thick are you! Moron.

    Reply
  78. Mr Tempflu February 20, 2014 at 11:26 am

    Can I use your appartment then????

    Reply
  79. Matteo Renzi February 20, 2014 at 11:32 am

    Er, Yes!

    Reply
  80. Zezo February 20, 2014 at 11:46 am

    There is over 20 exits in the mall and he never found one! Drunk mauphucker

    Reply
  81. ayman Salem February 20, 2014 at 11:50 am

    How about a reality show!! Survivor Dubai Mall how long can you survive in Dubai Mall eating fast food.

    Reply
  82. Jay February 20, 2014 at 12:24 pm

    1) Something is not right about this story. it sounds false or exagerrated.
    2) there are Exit signs everywhere. he could have followed them or even asked for the exit.
    3) I’m bored as f*** and simply trying to kick start the dumb conversation on the page with idiots who dont understand the word “satire”.
    4) I think i misspelled “exagerrated”. Help.

    Reply
  83. Jason February 20, 2014 at 12:26 pm

    Tom hanks would be proud..

    Reply
  84. Ivor Wanger February 20, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    Zezo – first of all you sad little shite for counting all the exits and second of all sober up and use a motherfucking dictionary.

    Reply
  85. Expat sister February 20, 2014 at 12:36 pm

    Some of the bizarre comments are funnier than the article…,!

    Reply
  86. E11 February 20, 2014 at 12:38 pm

    Haaaa! All these comments are hilarious, but there lies the purpose of satire – the oblique reference to a common but rarely expressed experience. Dubai Mail is like the wardrobe entrance to Narnia. Coming from Al Ain multiple times with my husband, he was always able to find the car-park entrance that is like a helter-skelter. It was the one bonus in a nerve-wrecked journey from sleepy desert roundabouts to the Road of Death. This was particularly the case when we had naive visitors in the car as we set the wheel to left and rapidly accelerated upwards … wheeeee! or down … whooooo! But try as I might I could NEVER find that helter skelter myself and ALWAYS ended up parked in a row of irate taxi drivers. We always lunched at Carpaccios. The effort involved in getting to DM was always dispelled by the disappointment of the reality of the banality of shops. Energy rapidly energy seeped out of us after finding the one shop of purpose, retreating to the book shop of treats, and one of us posing the question, “Fag and Italian coffee, and perhaps some battered raw beef?”.

    Reply
  87. Shrijit Nair February 20, 2014 at 12:59 pm

    Guys its a satire post… Read the line below the headline… Don’t scratch your brains to add your stupidest comments on the man’s stupidity. Just read the post and laugh.

    Reply
  88. Lindsay February 20, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    Scam!!!

    Reply
  89. Annonymus February 20, 2014 at 2:42 pm

    They should make a movie on this (haha) or series of “lost” in Dubai Mall!

    Reply
  90. Anonymous February 20, 2014 at 4:11 pm

    its funny how he’s got everyone’s attention! made himself into a story! im sorry Mr tourist, I don’t believe a word!!!!!!

    Reply
  91. Porus February 20, 2014 at 5:40 pm

    Only an Italian could tell such a story ! There are security staff almost everywhere in Dubai mall, a lot of mal staff & people who would surely help. Even sign language would be enough. Dubai mall is large but surely not hat large to be lost for a year. So is this a lunatc or is it Dubai mall’s publicity gimmick ?

    Reply
  92. Anonymous February 20, 2014 at 5:55 pm

    Lol to whoever believed this story they are
    just making fun about the story of the man who claimed he was lost in the ocean for 13 months.google it

    Reply
  93. Mohammed February 20, 2014 at 6:05 pm

    hahahahaha i just can’t stop laughing this is stupid 13 months in dubai mall seriously, who ever lives in dubai will laugh on this story cause its not true. i remember when we were kids and tired to stay late in a mall they would find us so quick and plus he couldn’t find a security guard and ask him where is the exit really…… anyways this is bullshit cause if it was true everyone would have gotten lost. btw you can roam around dubai mall from the start to end in like 2 hours i think, not sure though maybe less or maybe more but still 13 MONTHS thats IMPOSSIBLE !!!!!!

    Reply
  94. Anonymous February 20, 2014 at 6:29 pm

    Dubai Mall had better signage than Mall of the Emirates, lost my car for 3 hours :(

    Reply
  95. matteo February 20, 2014 at 6:43 pm

    Benison Zento IS NOT an italian name, at least they could invent Mario Rossi, it would have been slightly more credible… and tell me, in 13 months, he could not approach the security or any italian (as i believe there was some italian visitor in more than one year) to ask how to get out? Nothing less credible than this article has ever been written.

    Reply
  96. A. B. Khan February 20, 2014 at 6:53 pm

    SERGIO GIORGINI!! That cracked me up!

    Reply
  97. sandradeamicis February 20, 2014 at 9:11 pm

    That’s how I felt the first time I went into IKEA.

    Reply
  98. Quamar Hassnain February 21, 2014 at 10:29 am

    sorry….hard to believe….not able to digest…..i went there several times….is Zento, is mental or unable to talk, several help counters are there, diagrams which locate the exit or emergency roots of mall are there……and moreover,,,,,100000 of people every time available in Mall. i am sure that he can get easy help from salesman/salesgirls of Mall itself.. either that man was mentally not fit, he need metal attention else it is never be possible…..as most of the people all around the world are well cultured and civilized society people of Dubai use to visit Dubai Mall, if he asked access to one person, I am sure that minimum 2-3 person will respond………..It’s look like that panarabiaenquirer.com having lack of story to publish…..

    Reply
    • BigJock February 28, 2014 at 11:59 am

      Quamar, Quamar, Quamar. You truly are a grade-A Nimrod, just type ‘Satire’ into google and all shall be unveiled to you! But thanks to you and all your gullible little mates for making this site all the more enjoyable! xx

      Reply
      • Stranger February 28, 2014 at 4:52 pm

        Well done BJ (blow job?)…. Why do you feel the need to spoil our fun?? Or do you like expressing your superior intellect over the less fortunate?

        Reply
  99. Hiba February 21, 2014 at 4:01 pm

    WHAT?! how the hell do you get lost in a mall?!?!?!
    did this idiot not once think of asking authorities?? or anyone for that matter??
    jeez dude..wts wrong with u…n how did no one notice this dude..??

    Reply
  100. Anonymous February 21, 2014 at 6:47 pm

    personally I have been hiding out in Kinokuniya for the last 11 months.I love it. I can wath the light show every night, and am almost finished the history section. My only disappointment is that My personal hero Ray Mears (sorry Bear) hasn’t headed up an expedition to get me. By the time he does, I’ll have read the cookery section as well, so he needn’t eat any more of the wild food.

    Reply
  101. Steve February 21, 2014 at 7:28 pm

    Hint… Zento is a Japanese word. One of five uses of the word Is ‘the journey ahead’. Another use is ‘future prospects’ of which that tourist has none.

    Reply
  102. S A February 22, 2014 at 12:32 am

    After losing his partner, did she find her way out or is she still stuck in the mall???

    Reply
  103. SeenZ February 22, 2014 at 4:02 am

    I can’t believe so many people on here actually believe the stories published on this site, where they clearly say it’s all made up. :|

    Reply
  104. Anonymous February 22, 2014 at 7:32 pm

    Luckily he got out alive, but what happened to his partner, you would of thought they would of told the police, or maybe they are still in there??

    Reply
    • Chrystal Chipotle February 23, 2014 at 11:43 am

      I’m still here, I found Grilled Bears and we are following a trio of local woman, hoping they know the way go get out of here. Unfortunately at the speed they are shuffling this could take another week or so!

      Reply
      • Anonymous February 23, 2014 at 2:23 pm

        Grilled bears is aka Ted so be careful, don’t trust him he will have you on that funny stuff, and the next thing you know….well I will leave that to your imagination

        Reply
  105. Anonymous February 23, 2014 at 12:13 pm

    Some of the comments are pure gold…

    I am sure PAE can use these somewhere… lol

    Reply
  106. Nicole February 23, 2014 at 12:25 pm

    Ha – Dubai Mall has nothin on Al Ain. Try getting out of there in less than 12 months!! All roads lead back to the same spot!

    Reply
  107. Deano February 24, 2014 at 6:26 pm

    I got lost there once. It was a Tuesday

    Reply
    • 1111 April 3, 2014 at 1:02 pm

      I’m not sure why but this comment made me laugh the most.

      Reply
  108. Merlin February 25, 2014 at 9:23 am

    If my bank account was able to stand it, my missus could disappear in ‘any’ shopping mall for 13 months, no problem.

    Reply
  109. yusuf March 18, 2014 at 12:47 pm

    Fake Story I live in dubai it is not big as plp can get lost and even when they close the mall every nite security staff sweeps the mall and shop no one can stay without a permission after working hours

    Reply
  110. Emz April 1, 2014 at 9:59 am

    Honestly not laughed this much in years! Pure 24 carat gold comments. . .

    Reply
  111. Mell Marantal Abiendo April 1, 2014 at 11:03 am

    Must be an IDIOT! He could ask someone.

    Reply
  112. Sunny April 2, 2014 at 7:05 am

    This is what you call “Mallception”.

    Reply
    • Anonymous May 11, 2014 at 4:53 am

      Help I’m lost reading these comments and can’t help but wish that someone would send those who were truly concerned to sites that are willing to print the truth no matter the threats they get from bigger news sites for stealing their stories. For example I see NO references to The Onion! These people deserve to

      Reply
  113. Hugh Jarce May 20, 2014 at 1:24 pm

    One of my staff, recently qualified driver, borrowed a car to go from Bur JUman to collect her sister working at JBR, I advised that she gave herself plenty of time as JBR on a weekend can be tricky. So she left at 4:00pm to collect her sister at 6:00pm. 6 hours later she was safely home in Bur Dubai, safe but exhausted and ready to return her driving licence so no need to buy the promised company car there!

    Reply
  114. Anonymous June 3, 2014 at 8:14 am

    Some people got sh*t for brains. You can’t buy common sense. How do you get lost in a mall. Thick!!!

    Reply
  115. THISISSATIRE June 22, 2014 at 1:34 pm

    OK, guys, this is something that needs to be explained to all of you now. Seen as you are either too daft, lazy or just plain hell-bent on not understanding a joke, here is the meaning, link and again a repetition of the word SATIRE

    1.
    the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.

    2.
    a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.

    3.
    a literary genre comprising such compositions.

    As you can see, Ya ‘akhi, it is not serious. What is serious is your lack of a sense of humour. It’s difficult putting up with this fcuktardery, so please do us a favour and go visit Dubai Mall. Hopefully you will get found by Grilled Bears and he will englighten you on his view of the world. :)

    Reply
  116. Anonymous July 22, 2014 at 8:53 am

    Blunder

    Reply

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