TEL AVIV: In a blockbuster announcement today, Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu claimed that he was a man with little or no concern for the basic tenets of humanity and someone who would happily drop bombs on children if it meant lengthening his political career.
“I’m basically a soulless murderer who will unleash the firepower of one of the most advanced militaries on earth against an already poverty-stricken people just weeks before an election simply because it will improve my position in the polls,” he said, adding that he would do it “again and again,” irrespective of the loss of life and international condemnation. “My lust for power is so great that I will even make ordinary Israelis pawns in my bloodthirsty political game, and I will stop at nothing to keep the entire world on the brink of all-out war. In my position as prime minister of Israel, a country whose actions have led to the misery of millions, there are many things I could do to make this planet a far more pleasant and considerably less dangerous place. But I won’t do them, because I’m a terrible human being, a real shit. Thank you.”
He then sat down and drew a cartoon bomb and wrote ‘Iran’ in the middle.