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New Ramadan caffeine pill sparks fear from coffee industry

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New Ramadan caffeine pill sparks fear from coffee industry

Specialist speak out against L84D8Z, which promises a “suhoor without the snore”

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Coffee specialists across the Middle East have spoken out against a new and potentially dangerous caffeine pill which is to be launched this Ramadan and predicted to become a huge hit across the region.

L84D8Z, which can be ordered online direct from the US, is manufactured by the same company that successfully launched halwa pop-tart vending machines in all new Nissan Patrol’s purchased last year.

With its patented modification of the caffeine code, and fully endorsed by a consulting group of scholars which included the likes of Dr Zakir Naik and Dan Brown, L84D8Z has been claimed to be able to “make fasting faster during the Holy Month” whilst promising users that they can finally “enjoy a suhoor without a snore”.

According to the packaging, just one pill taken before sunrise will give individuals “Everlasting Fasting” to make it through an entire day, and it cites cases in which prolonged use can result in “a week of total alertness, even through the most dreary of family get-togethers”.

But while many predict it will be bought in the millions this year, L8 4 D8Z hasn’t been well received by those working in the quality coffee trade.

Dr Benzine Cooper, who was recently in Dubai to present his latest published research work, a coffee manifesto entitled ‘The Origin of Species; Long Black / Flat White’, at The Roseleaf Café, Dubai Garden Centre, stated “We’re very very concerned what happens at the end of the month when they all come off the L84D8Z… once Ramadan is over they’ll just be throwing pills down their throat like there’s no tomorrow”.

Cooper, a Hipsterarabicageneticist from the University of Limu, has come out with a full force tamper to fight what he calls the “scourge” of the café scene.

“Putting it bluntly, I blame the likes of Costa and Starbucks – these branded franchises are completely indistinguishable in taste from L84D8Z and they have led the unsuspecting customer down this dangerous path to a point where no one can tell the difference from good and bad coffee,” he told reporters.

“And to launch L8 4 D8Z during a time of respect and reflection… real coffee companies spend a lot of time finding the best quality beans to savour and enjoy. During this Holy Month, I’ll be hoping that the livelihoods and careers of those involved in an authentic and credible coffee industry are not held in jeopardy by this shocking move to commercialise the season.”

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3 Comments

3 Comments

  1. kit kat

    July 9, 2013 at 11:31 am

    L8 4 D8Z (late for dates) – gimme a break?

    Reply

  2. Chris de Burj

    July 10, 2013 at 8:41 am

    “…manufactured by the same company that successfully launched halwa pop-tart vending machines in all new Nissan Patrol’s purchased last year.”

    it’s the hidden gems like this that make PAE so much fun.

    Reply

  3. Anonymous

    July 10, 2013 at 11:07 am

    The ultimate trolling news agency.

    Reply

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