Obama “wages war” on Yemeni underwear industry

WASHINGTON: Following the foiling of a plot by al-Qaeda’s Yemeni franchise to blow up a plane using a bomb planted in a pair of underpants, US president Barack Obama has vowed to “wipe Yemen’s underwear making facilities off the map”.

The explosive rhetoric came during a White House press conference this morning in which the pant-based terrorist operation was first revealed. While the exact type of underwear used wasn’t disclosed, Obama said search and destroy drone missions would be operated against “factories of terror making undies of any size, shape or description”.

“We’re talking y-fronts, boxer shorts, briefs, jocks as well as knickers and g-strings,” he said. “Mark my words, this time next year anyone in Yemen wanting a new pair of undergarments is going to really, really struggle.”

Meanwhile, a leaked al-Qaeda memo revealed that Obama’s all-encompassing underwear destruction plan might not be necessary.

“We will not consider anyone who uses black lace or crotchless panties a martyr,” it read.

“However, sensible, modest affairs, the kind you buy in packs of three from Splash or Debenhams, will guarantee eternal paradise.”