DUBAI: Ahmed Ahmed, chairman of the Dubai Committee for Growth and Vision, has promised that one more oversized development will be added to Dubai’s already iconic skyline.
“We shall build one more massive thing,” he told the assembled media at a press conference yesterday, hastily arranged in response to rumours circulated online that Dubai wasn’t going to build any more massive things.
“Only once we have built this additional massive thing will we call a halt to this whole ‘Dubai affair’,” Ahmed said, adding his own inverted comma bunny ears.
Also present at the announcement was George Frimbly-Jones, chief director of the Abu Dhabi Bail Out Fund, who, with a roll of his eyes, announced that he was reluctantly conceding to Dubai’s wishes for another massive thing.
“It is with a heavy heart that we accept the decision to build one more massive thing in Dubai,” Frimbly-Jones said while handing an oversized blank cheque to Ahmed. “Although we do this only as long as this really is the last one,” he added.
The news was a welcome relief across Dubai, where residents had been worried for some time that in the wake of the financial crisis the city’s much-loved development of massive things was coming to an end.
“I’m absolutely over the moon,” exclaimed Billy Craddock, an Indian taxi driver based in the Dubai district of Satwa. “My friends and I were overcome with fear that Dubai would soon be forgotten as other cities started building equally massive things.”
Rita Mahmoud-Mahmoud, a retired gas-fitter living in Dubai Marina, was equally jubilant at the announcement. “I was so upset when I heard that Dubai wasn’t going to be building any more massive things. I kept on looking at the Burj Khalifa, the Dubai Mall and the Dubai Fountain and crying. This news is a huge weight off my shoulders.”
The next step for Dubai is to decide what massive thing to build and blogs are already fired-up with rumours and suggestions. While Ahmed Ahmed and the Dubai Committee for Growth and Vision are remaining tight-lipped about any considerations, sources close to the committee have hinted at several options, including the world’s largest terracotta windmill, the world’s tallest office for road traffic violations and the world’s biggest underwater car park.
The Pan-Arabian Enquirer’s own development expert, Roger Turtle, has suggested that it wouldn’t be in Dubai’s best interests to construct another of the massive things it already has standing.
“This would only then serve to make the original massive thing appear not quite as massive, which would be silly,” he said.