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Qatar wins rights to host Margaret Thatcher funeral


Qatar wins rights to host Margaret Thatcher funeral

Gulf state swoops in with last minute deal and secures David Beckham as star guest

DOHA: With funeral preparations for former British prime minister Margaret Thatcher already underway, Qatar has sensationally swooped in to win the hosting rights and unveiled David Beckham as the star headliner for the event.

Lady Thatcher, who died on Monday aged 87, was due to be given a ceremonial funeral with full military honours at St. Paul’s Cathedral in London. But following a last minute bid, the event will now take place next Wednesday in Doha.

Although financial terms were not disclosed, a source close to the deal claimed that the offer was “simply too good” for Thatcher’s son Mark to turn down.

As part of the new arrangement, Qatari authorities have managed to secure David Beckham – now playing for Qatari-owned Paris Saint Germain – as the funeral’s headline act. Beckham will read out a eulogy at the ceremony, while his teammates, plus footballers from Barcelona, who are sponsored by the Qatar Foundation, will carry the coffin.

“It makes perfect sense as Qatar attempts to position itself as a key player in the international community,” said Middle East analyst Maartin Landis.

“With the Queen, Duke of Edinburgh and several heads of states attending, it’s going to be a truly international affair and bring a lot of attention to the Gulf state. And with Beckham and several other leading footballers now set to appear, it’s a great opportunity for the country to prove it can handle major events amid doubts surrounding the 2022 World Cup.”

But several critics have slammed the move, suggesting that the midday temperatures would simply be too high.

“Prince Phillip almost died after a bit of rain during the Jubilee celebrations last year,” argued Nicholas Witchell, BBC News’ royal correspondent. “What the f*** is going to happen to him under the intense Arabian heat?”

However, organisers in Qatar have since unveiled plans for “state-of-the-art, fully air-conditioned” facilities that they expect to be ready for trials by the weekend.

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  1. Joe James

    April 10, 2013 at 7:04 am

    is this a joke?!

    • Merlin

      April 10, 2013 at 10:05 am

      No it is definitely true! Landmark ‘M & S’ are already selling authentic souvenir Maggie clothes – Mrs. T’s oft declared favourite clothing outlet!

  2. sam_pling

    April 10, 2013 at 10:32 am

    Regarding the funeral ‘privatise her, put out a tender and accept the most cost effective bid. It’s what she would have wanted’.

  3. Y12

    April 10, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    I wish Qatar would use its time and more more wisely.

    • Ahmed

      April 11, 2013 at 6:44 pm

      It may not seem wise to you but if you actually were a Qatari you would think they are being wise and you would be right because you would not have to pay taxes on your income, pay school for your kids nor your electricity and water. You would only pay 0.3$ per L of oil and Your kids would be able to get sponsorship from the government if they wanted to go to university anywhere they want. I don’t know any other gvt who does that with their money to its citizens

  4. Y12

    April 10, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    And money**

  5. Jiver dude

    April 10, 2013 at 2:34 pm

    Of course it’s joke noobs, this is satire at it’s best. Funniest thing I have read in ages.

  6. Merlin

    April 11, 2013 at 5:20 am

    Overheard in the Members Lounge of the ‘Over-Privileged Prat’s Club’ for Knights without due Service – a pickled Sir Mark remarked, to anyone sober enough to listen, that…

    “…Mumsie always considered it appropriate to be laid to rest in the Gulf, given all the massive contracts she negotiated there. The obvious choice would have been Saudi Arabia, but they have a lot of desert there. Qatar is very small; even a twit like me couldn’t get lost, for very long, in that country, so it was the obvious choice!”

  7. Joumana

    April 11, 2013 at 10:19 am

    This is Ridiculous. to Dishonor her this way is shamful. if she served her country faithfully she wouldnt expect less than beeing burried in her country

    • Deb

      April 11, 2013 at 4:08 pm

      You are right. This is such a sham!

      • Joumana

        April 11, 2013 at 4:12 pm

        it is a joke thanks God

        • Deb

          April 11, 2013 at 4:44 pm

          Are you serious??!! Walla! I almost bought plane tickets because my son wants to see David Beckham.

          • Seriously?

            April 12, 2013 at 1:15 am

            You’re all idiots.

  8. Bambi

    April 11, 2013 at 3:00 pm

    Ohh emm gee how easy it is to troll Arabs

  9. Joumana

    April 11, 2013 at 4:11 pm

    i fell for it oh God. of course this is a joke

  10. markus

    April 11, 2013 at 4:25 pm

    Israel’s PM said he considers to fly to Thacher’s funeral. Now it promises he won’t make it. Perhaps Thacher’s son is relieved from unpleasant diplomatic incidents.

  11. Di

    April 11, 2013 at 4:49 pm

    Satire goes over so many people’s heads – what a shame. This is so darned funny!

  12. Disappointed

    April 11, 2013 at 6:53 pm

    So when it says “The World’s Tallest Satirical News Website” at the top of the page, why are there still comments asking if this is true? *facepalm*

  13. Anonymous

    April 11, 2013 at 10:00 pm

    it is really unbelievable !! better for Quatar to stop financing the killing in Syria than fighting for hosting the funeral ceremony of a foreign ex-prime minister….

  14. Merlin

    April 12, 2013 at 2:35 am

    Unsubstantiated reports in the Italian Motoring Press claim that Lamborghini has entered a head to head bid against Maserati for the rights to build a one off Hearse specially for the occasion? Bentley are furious, as they weren’t even invited to tender.

  15. Deb

    April 12, 2013 at 4:58 am

    @Seriously?: Sure we are! Because everything you read on the internet is true *rolls eyes*

  16. randa berouti

    April 12, 2013 at 5:33 am

    Well Qatar is a sort of rubbish dump..

  17. Randa

    April 12, 2013 at 11:07 am

    lol too funny! Deb this is a classic

    “Are you serious??!! Walla! I almost bought plane tickets because my son wants to see David Beckham.”

    For some reason, i couldn’t like it on your post- first time i comment!

  18. Truth Teller

    April 12, 2013 at 1:20 pm

    It’s a hoax you idiots!
    Here’s the BBC’s article explaining the funeral’s details.

  19. Lee Ryder

    April 12, 2013 at 6:59 pm

    Can’t believe I fought for such a greedy world……

  20. Marj gundersen

    April 16, 2013 at 7:58 pm

    I thought the article was funny till I read the moronic comments. They were hilarious!

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