Saudi religious police clamp down on immorality across animal kingdom

January 28, 2013

RIYADH: Following the recent decision by enforcers for Saudi’s Committee for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice (CPVPV) to close down an immoral dinosaur exhibit in a Damman shopping mall, further moves have been taken to reduce depravity in Saudi’s animal kingdom.

According to government officials, morality officers have been working “through the night” to enforce strict gender segregation in zoos and safari parks across the country.

ARRESTED: For illicit flirting with peahens

“It was simply incredible what we saw going on before our eyes,” said Amwaj Rotana, public relations director for the CPVPV. “Across every single animal facility, our enforcers witnessed creatures of all shapes and sizes shamelessly mingling with members of the opposite sex in public, flirting with one another, sniffing each other’s bottoms, flinging faeces at one another and – worst of all – doing all this entirely unclothed. We were forced to move immediately before such sinful behaviour became a threat to morality.”

In the Riyadh City Zoo, officers have now divided male and female animals in over 95 per cent of the various enclosures. Several mixed zones – such as the popular Happy Hippo Bath and Chirpy Bird Sanctuary – will be only open to single females accompanied by a male chaperone.

“The only real difficulty we had was in the aquarium, simply because we found it difficult to figure out which was which and, when we did, they were a bit slippery to catch,” said the zoo’s newly installed Animal Sin Prevention Officer, Tim Osgood.

EXECUTED: For engaging in depraved act

In several cases, vice officers were forced to take more drastic actions to maintain levels of decency. At the Jeddah Farm Experience, the rabbit warren has been shut down with immediate effect due to “wanton immorality”. Six male peacocks were also reportedly arrested in Jeddah for “indecency and suggestive behaviour in front of females”.

Wildlife organisations are yet to comment on the measures, but sources within the World Wrestling Federation have claimed its top officials are “extremely distressed” by the decision to execute Little Ming, a hugely popular resident at Damman’s Animal Land. The world’s only sexually-active panda is believed to have been caught by enforcers while engaged in an “act of pure depravity” with fellow Bamboo Pit companion Chun-Lee.

“The fact that the West was applauding this disgustingly sinful act only underlines our motives,” added Rotana, adding that the work was set to continue until every animal in the country had been accounted for.

“No stone will be left unturned,” she said. “And I mean that literally. This morning we unturned a stone to discover an army of male worker ants involved in unlawful interaction with an unmarried queen ant, who –ironically enough – has since been stoned to death.”

8 Responses to Saudi religious police clamp down on immorality across animal kingdom

  1. Fatima January 29, 2013 at 5:04 pm

    No problem, I have grown out of a few of my abayas that I can donate to the happy hippos.

    Reply
  2. Aneeqah February 17, 2013 at 8:45 pm

    you have got to be kidding me…. hahahahaha…..

    Reply
  3. ayesha February 19, 2013 at 8:20 am

    this is like so wrong..how could you arrest an animal,an animal for crying out loud,it doesnt have the sense to know that such an act have to b done in private,they are not humans who know right frm wrong..smh..these ppl r so crazy..i get kinda angry,but i just have to laugh it off..lol.hahahah still cant believe what i just read..

    Reply
  4. Anonymous February 20, 2013 at 12:28 pm

    I thought for one minute it was 1st April…you know April Fools’ Day…..can they really be serious? They should not be allowed to continue to operate the zoo, what kind of madness is this!!! and as for segregating the Panda…well that’s just one sure way to ensure that the Panda population gets one step further to extinction.

    is there any way to stop this stupidity and ignorance?

    Reply
  5. Anonymous February 20, 2013 at 8:57 pm

    It clearly says “The Pan-Arabia Enquirer, The World’s Only 7 star Satirical News Source

    Reply
  6. Expat Matt February 21, 2013 at 5:31 am

    “is there any way to stop this stupidity and ignorance?”

    Not responding seriously to spoof websites would be a strong start.

    Reply
  7. Jebel Ali Baba February 21, 2013 at 7:08 am

    Why Matt? The responses are the funniest part :P

    Reply
  8. Zuhair Nathani February 23, 2013 at 11:05 am

    IDIOTS !

    Reply

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