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The Pan-Arabia Enquirer

I was sentenced to death before it went mainstream, claims Cairo hipster


I was sentenced to death before it went mainstream, claims Cairo hipster

Lashes are where the scene is at right now says Egyptian creative

Egyptian hipster Khalid Al Hassan was sentenced to death “long before it became so lame and mainstream,” he told friends at a Cairo coffee shop yesterday.

Wrapping his 6ft long scarf under his shaggy beard, blogger and videographer Al Hassan claimed that “all the squares are doing it now, its lost its relevance.”

Al Hassan was reacting to a Cairo court sentencing 183 Muslim Brotherhood defendants to death yesterday, bringing the totally to 415 death sentences in just four trials.

“The death sentence used to be so dark, so edgy but now its corporate and mass produced,” he told our reporter, before inviting her back to his apartment to “look at my collection of Russian lithographs” and listen to Barney The Dinosaur on a 1970s record player.

“People think I listen to Barney ironically. I don’t. That’s the irony,” he explained.

Al Hassan, who was sentenced to death in 2009 but received a Ramadan pardon for his blasphemous ‘My Dog Is Jesus’ T-shirt, now hopes to get 100 lashes for his next act of blasphemy.

“Lashes are where the scene is right now. I may scream out in pain but I’ll only be screaming ironically,” he insisted, as he poured Tibetan tea that only seven people in the world have tasted. “Getting the death sentence is so middle-of-the-road. It’s like listening for Coldplay, purely for the mainstream herd who think they are edgy,” he insisted.

Al Hassan says he won’t mind getting lashed “as long as it doesn’t ruin my SpongeBob SquarePants back tattoo. Nobody touches that,” he claimed.

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  1. Dmitri Legkovernov

    February 3, 2015 at 10:10 am

    This is a real tragedy that a man could be punished to death simply for just wearing a t-shirt. Although, he must never have been lashed before, as it is extremely painful, and will almost certainly cause damage to his tattoo. My thoughts are with him, and I pray for his continued safety.

  2. joe

    February 3, 2015 at 6:51 pm

    ha ha ha! Dmitri, the trolling on this site has to stop!

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