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The Pan-Arabia Enquirer

Seven things you didn’t know about King Salman

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Seven things you didn’t know about King Salman

We lift the lid on Saudi Arabia’s newest, most spring chickenest monarch

He’s been on the Saudi throne for almost a month, but we still know relatively little about the spritely King Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Saud. Let The Pan-Arabia Enquirer enlighten you.

1) At a mere 79 years old, King Salman is the first Saudi monarch to not remember a time before commercial aviation

2) Puts his good health down to drinking two fresh glasses of unrefined Saudi crude oil each morning

3) Like his predecessor Abdullah, King Salman is considered something of a reformer and is expected to continue the late ruler’s reformist policy of public beheadings and banning women from doing pretty much anything without a male chaperone

4) King Salman has adamantly denied that he is senile, one denying it 16 times in just two minutes

5) Despite his name, King Salman actually hates salmon and has banned it across the kingdom for promoting “Satanism” and “witchcraft”

6) While defence minister, King Salman displayed the sort of wise leadership qualities that would endear him to Western leaders, helping Bahrain brutally crush its popular uprising and buying a shit-ton of weapons from Western weapons manufacturers

7) A keen charity man, King Salman sends monthly donations to Greenpeace, the World Wide Fund for Nature and Al Qaeda

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2 Comments

2 Comments

  1. Tobias Cake

    February 19, 2015 at 7:48 am

    he is only 553 in dog years

    • Anonymous

      February 19, 2015 at 6:22 pm

      After losing your typing hands?

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