Sisi celebrates one month without attempted coup

CAIRO, EGYPT: Egypt’s new premier Abdul Fattah Al-Sisi this morning celebrated an entire month in power without any form of attempted coup or major popular uprising.

The president, who has been in office since June 8 2014, was congratulated on this remarkable achievement by a small gathering of friends, family and military advisors at a reception held in central Cairo.

“I never imagined that I’d reach the month mark without at least one little revolution to contend with, so I’d really like to thank everyone who has helped me along the way, you know who you are,” Sisi said while cutting a celebratory cake for the assembled photographers.

“Of course, putting the fear of god into anyone who dares criticise my legitimacy as supreme ruler of Egypt and imprisoning thousands of activists may well have played a small part in it this feat, but I’d like to think it’s because people think I’m a little bit awesome too.”