“We have nothing to hide,” insists Expo 2020 judge

SHROPSHIRE, ENGLAND: The Expo 2020 decision is being made “openly and transparently”, insisted chief judge Sir Ronald Davenport amid allegations of vote buying in the competition.

“It’s absolute nonsense,” said Davenport, as he sat down to breakfast at his Shropshire home with his wife and children. “The host city will be chosen using a 10-point criteria based on internationally recognised best practice standards.”

Asked what that was beside his wife, Davenport said it was his 11-year-old son, Roy. “He’s quite the rascal,” Davenport insisted. “Always full of tricks and games! Don’t give him a football, he’ll have your window in.”

Asked what that was on the other side of his wife, Davenport said it was “just an old cooker, given to us by the mother after we got married. Barely works, more sentimental value than anything.”

Asked “Ok, what’s that between your wife and the cooker?”, Davenport replied that was the family’s pet Labrador, Rover. “Say ‘woof woof’ Rover, say ‘woof woof’” said Davenport, as Rover opened his mouth widely, made a low grumbling sound and spat at the family’s 9-year-old daughter, Amanda, as she ate her cornflakes. “Bit moody today!” said Davenport with a smile.

Asked why Rover had such a curved back, Davenport said that he was hit by a car several years ago. “Poor thing, bent his spine right out of shape. Cost us a bloody fortune in veterinary bills. Would have been cheaper to put him down.”

Davenport insisted that Rover liked “ordinary dog things like catching tennis balls, chasing cats and 1,000 mile treks through blistering sand storms”.

Muriel Davenport and her children, Roy and Amanda, take their golden retrievers for a walk down to the shops

Later, Davenport’s wife, Muriel, went for a walk to the shops with her children and their twin golden retrievers, Mandy and Pandy. “Walkies!” said Muriel, as Mandy yawned loudly and dumped twenty pounds of excrement on the utility room floor.

As our reporter watched, Muriel and the children later took Mandy and Pandy to the local dog park, where two dozen dogs gathered in a circle around them, barking incessantly.

“It’s just because they are new to the neighbourhood,” said Muriel. “They’ll be chasing squirrels together in no time.”

It’s understood that a Rottweiler was later rushed to a veterinary clinic for emergency treatment after Mandy tried to mate with it.

A decision on the Expo 2020 host city is expected next week