Woman neglects to include 14 hours spent on social media in daily Facebook update

DUBAI, UAE: Sources confirmed earlier today that, despite covering almost all major aspects of her existence between waking up and going to bed, Suzi Mandrake’s lengthy Facebook update posted last night had somehow failed to mention the 14 hours she had spent on social media.

“OMG! Such an amazing day!” the 353-word entry by the Dubai resident began, going on to list an “incredible” book she had finished reading by the swimming pool, an “absolutely delish” lunch she had eaten with “one of her besties”, and her “exhausting but so so so rewarding” personal trainer session with “Marco, the insanely hunky Serbian.” It finally concluded with praise for her “truly gorgeous hubby”, who had booked a surprise trip to her favourite restaurant.

But friends later admitted being confused that even though the 33-year-old Australian expat described a brief conversation with a “funny taxi driver” who had enquired if she was single (“Fraid not mate!”), Mandrake’s essay-like online entry didn’t once touch upon the extensive part of the day she had spent mindlessly scrolling through Facebook, posting photos of herself and the various meals she had eaten to Instagram, tweeting about the new Instagram entries and later deleting several of the photos after reconsidering whether or not they made her look fat.

“And she hasn’t even told us about the several rewrites the Facebook update went through before being published,” added one source.