World Cup fans across the Middle East were in tears last night after the tournament was sensationally blocked by regional TV censors.
The move came in response to an isolated incident believed to have taken place during Tuesday’s game between Brazil and Mexico, in which the camera lingered on an attractive Brazilian fan in the stands for what has since been deemed “over the permitted time”.
“We knew this might be a problem in Brazil, so spoke to FIFA long before the tournament began, explaining that we had strict rules when it came to broadcasting visuals of nubile young female football fans waving their arms about in carefree delight, sometimes in slow motion,” said Abdul Rashid of the Gulf Censorship Board.
According to Rashid, the Board had initially requested a three-minute broadcast delay to deal with any potential issues.
“This way, in the event of a protracted shot featuring a toned, olive-skinned goddess with her nation’s flag drawn on her dimpled cheek playfully hugging another Giselle or Adriana Lima-a-like in the crowd in wild celebration, we would have time to replace the footage with something more acceptable,” he added.
But the request was rejected by FIFA, and now millions of football fans living in the Middle East face the prospect of missing the rest of the tournament, with the Gulf Censorship Board saying that the event on Tuesday was “just too much”.
“To put it in simple terms: 2.4 seconds of hot Brazilian nipple bulging through an over-tight soccer jersey is acceptable. But 3.2 seconds is absolutely haram,” said Rashid. “On the upside, this is at least something we won’t have to worry about in Qatar.”