The Pan-Arabia Enquirer “not offensive enough” say disappointed jihadists
MOSUL, IRAQ: “Bitterly letdown” jihadist Ahmed Al Kuwaiti has angrily denounced popular Middle East website, The Pan-Arabia Enquirer, as “not even worth a minor suicide bombing”.
Al Kuwaiti, a carpet cleaner and ISIS suicide squad leader, said it would be a “major career booster” is he sent in a team of martyrs to shoot anyone connected with the The Pan-Arabia Enquirer and then blow themselves up in a scene of devastating carnage and nihilistic destruction.
“But then I read the thing and I was like: ‘Hello, I don’t think so’. I mean, we had budget approval for this atrocity for the second quarter but after reviewing the PAE website, I’m not going to waste $100,000 and a dozen of our best men on this thing,” he said.
“No self-respecting jihadist is going to get out of bed to bomb these people. The website is all making fun of expats and obesity and stuff. Where’s the blasphemy? Where’s the insulting the Prophet? Oh so there’s a lot of malls in the Gulf and expats drink too much. Tell us something we don’t know. Frankly, I feel let down,” he told a press conference in Mosul yesterday.
Al Kuwaiti called on the The Pan-Arabia Enquirer’s editors to include “at least a few drawings of the Prophet, otherwise we’re not interested,” adding the his team would review their position in six months time. “But, for now, I’m bitterly disappointed.”
Al Kuwaiti later watched an American porn site alone in his room for an hour before ordering the death of Shias for “straying from the true path of righteousness”.